A Guinea Pig’s Life Lesson
What would come to mind if someone asked you to name the best qualities for an educator? Some might think content and pedagogical knowledge is critical, while others might point to a sense of humor or being a great storyteller. Yet others might say that all the best educators care about the students and communities they serve. All those traits matter but the most important might just be empathy.
As a high school science teacher, it bothered me when my students were not successful, whether it was their own internal belief they couldn’t succeed or struggled to learn what I was teaching. During my career, I’ve found that the best educators take it personally when their students aren’t being successful. They reflect on what could have been done differently and then try different ideas to see if they can break down whatever barrier is getting in the way of the child’s success. Sadly, I’ve seen the other side far too many times as well. The adult saying something to the effect, “Well I taught them. It’s their job to learn it.” Then there are times that we might feel sorry for the child who is struggling. Maybe this results in extra credit or inflated grades when what we should be doing is showing compassion and understanding while pushing them to try their best with a focus on growth.
As a dad of four, with three middle schoolers, I struggle when I see them hurting. It hurts almost like it did when I saw any of my students struggle but now the parental instinct of protecting them tries to takeover. Whether one is struggling with the social pains of growing up or not getting the grade they hoped for, it takes everything I have to leave my instinct to fix things at the door along with sympathy all in the guise of making it better. But if I did that, I would be robbing them of a growth opportunity. A recent incident in our house reaffirmed this approach as the best path to take even though it was painful for me to do so.
The third of our children, Thing 3, loves animals like most kids. Even as a 6th grader, she still wants to be either a veterinarian or a WWE wrestler. For quite some time she was pushing my wife and I to get her a guinea pig. As our house already has four kids (five if you count me as my wife is inclined to do), two dogs, and two in-laws during the winter months, adding a guinea pig to the list was not a big priority. But Thing 3 did not let up, she did research on everything guinea pig, watched YouTube videos and then put all that information into a slideshow to campaign for a guinea pig. Despite us saying not right now, a few weeks later my wife texted me while I was working with schools in Alabama. The text was a pic of a rescue guinea pig at the local SPCA. Long story short, I came home to a guinea pig, Michi.
Then Thing 3’s grand plan began to unfold. She expressed her gratitude constantly but then started mentioning how guinea pigs are social animals. How they need to be around other guinea pigs. Well, if you haven’t guessed already, we welcomed a second rescue guinea pig, Hamlet, when I was on a work trip to Alabama.
Both pigs were older when we got them, past the middle of their life expectancy. One day I heard the one sound I was dreading when we first talked about bringing animals home. Thing 3 yelled that Hamlet wasn’t moving. As I ran up the stairs to her room, I could see how upset she was. Our other three Things joined her in waiting to see what I found out, with eyes begging me to do something. Once I saw him, I knew he was no longer with us. The worst part of being a parent or an educator is feeling powerless, being unable to fix a problem for a child, seeing them upset wishing you could take their pain away. My wife and I had two choices, we could stop them from seeing Hamlet and deal with his burial immediately or let them grieve no matter how much it hurt. We chose the latter.
To some that may seem like an obvious choice, but that was not how I experienced death as a child or even teenager. When my one pet died, a hamster, I never saw him or where he was taken after it was discovered he passed. Even when a relative passed away, my cousins and I were not included in the services. Only later in life did I realize how this negatively affected me. Despite the pain of seeing our children crying, we hoped we made the right choice. Each of them said goodbye in their own way, we buried Hamlet at the edge of our property among colorful plants and added a small placard ordered from Etsy.
Thing 3 was affected the most. A couple days later I asked her how she was doing and what she was thinking. I then asked her if she still wanted to be a veterinarian as she would be responsible for helping countless families through the loss of their loved pets. To my surprise, there was zero hesitation with her answer of yes. As tough as it would be for her, she wanted the families to have someone that understood what it meant to lose a beloved pet as she had.
My four children have taught me many things while also reinforcing why what we do as educators matters in and out of the classroom. We have two choices when we see our students/children struggle; we can totally remove the challenge, make the task far easier or inflate the outcomes/grades. I believe the better option is to challenge them, be there as a guide and facilitator as they struggle. We can either help them grow into well-rounded, responsible, emotionally stable individuals or rob them of the opportunity to discover who they can truly become.
