Maybe We Should Ask Our Students
As I’ve mentioned in previous blog posts, the pandemic continues to amplify the stress levels for most, if not all of us. We want to get back to the normal we were used to and get rid of all this uncertainty. We are neurologically wired to maintain homeostasis within a comfort zone. At the same time, humans are also wired to push themselves to explore and try new things. It’s such a dichotomy that is only solved when we find comfort in being uncomfortable. This time of year challenges our comfort zone in ways small and large.
The holidays are generally thought of as being festive with goodwill to all. This might be true but it’s also a time where so many feel the pain of loss, depression, anxiety, and loneliness. Each one of us has a different story to tell, as I discussed in my previous post. The holidays are a busy time even without a pandemic altering our normal plans. We can also face external pressure to be involved in other activities, even if we don’t really want to be. As I’ve gotten older, it often sounds so much better just to stay in the comfort of my home rather than journey out to socialize and have an adult beverage or two. Add in the extra activities related to the holidays, and it all can be a bit overwhelming and stressful.
Whether we realize it or not, the decisions we make as educators and school leaders can add to the holiday and familial stress. School activities that bring our students, educators and community together are an absolute must. At the same time, we must take into consideration whether the activities we add are meaningful or contribute to another layer of stress to parents and students. Take for example, “theme days”. These are a great way for students and staff to feel the school spirit and be a part of the larger community, when done in the right way. Families need as much advanced notice is required as possible. A few days to a week are not enough notice as it will leave parents scrambling to get clothing together to match the theme. Theme days should be put on a monthly calendar provided to everyone.
School activities often come with a cost for families. Whether we realize it or not, not everyone can afford dress up days or other ideas. I’ve had a parent recently tell me, “As a single parent, I am already doing everything I can for Christmas.” When schools create these activities, I truly believe they want all children to participate. When that’s not possible, it leaves some children feeling left out and wondering if they did something wrong to deserve it. Not being able to participate in a theme day also negatively impacts the parents. As a parent, we do everything we can to provide for our children and to give them happy memories. It hurts to see our children unhappy.
There are other implications of theme days and other activities. With parents already being so busy, one exasperated parent exclaimed “we can’t do it all”. This is certainly true when a theme day turns into a theme week or two. Then there are always the school related fundraisers. I lost count as to how many phone calls I’ve received from parents and community members over the years about how the fundraisers for every group and school never seem to end. When the fundraising becomes a contest, that becomes a problem. Just as some families aren’t able to participate in all the theme days, the families (not the child) with the greatest financial means are often the ones who win the fundraising contests. When the contest has a prize attached, maybe monetarily or honorary like principal for the day, what lesson are they actually learning? Even contests around donations, such as canned goods, can have negative, unintended effects. During their development, children already compare themselves to others. These types of charitable contests generate negative comparisons, decreasing self-worth and well-being. As schools rightfully put a greater focus on social emotional learning, any activities we choose should be viewed through an SEL lens.
So, what is the solution to this issue? Maybe the first step should be asking the students what they think or want. We don’t give our children enough credit. They are far more advanced than we were at the same age. We don’t ask them for their thoughts on technology, curriculum, grading and discipline. By asking them for their thoughts and perspective, we support them in using their voice and choice. We just might find meaningful insights that can help ensure we are doing things for the right reasons, our students.
